Time to cut my losses

I’m sad, very sad. But what do you do?

This time a week ago, I thought I’d cemented my relationship with a very special woman. An hour later, it lay in tatters. I knew she was jealous, and I knew that sometimes her mind made some strange connections. But the way that she looked at me sometimes, it could melt my heart. I thought that was the rest of my life sitting across the table. We’d had a quite special day, and she was probably right. Without the aid of a mirror, I would guess that, yes, I had never appeared so happy in my entire life. Understandable really. I was with the woman I loved, away from my home, away from hers, away from family, away from work, just us, no pressures. Bliss.

Ex-wife

And then it happened. “You never told me there is a conference here every year.” “Well, I told you that I was going last year, and I told you that I was going this year.” “That’s why you’re so happy, isn’t it? Does [name of my soon to be ex-wife, separated nearly 4 years] go to the Conference?” “No, not been for years, not as far as I know” “Yes but you know other women there” Uh? How many times do I have to tell her? I left my wife, I don’t love her any more, I’ve done one or two favours, but that’s me, Mr Nice Guy. And other women are off the menu, not because of any great moral principles, but because I just didn’t want them. It’s not the first time she’s got in into her head that I wanted to get back with my wife. I don’t know how or why.

Matter of Time

It went downhill from there. That night she slept fully clothed on top of the bed, and told me in the morning that it was over. I begged her to change her mind. On Saturday I got a text from her and in replying, I made several attempts to get us back on track, but no, I got nowhere. The day went on. Over Sunday and Monday I got a lot of “chat” time in, on the phone, on Skype, on Facebook and GMail Chat, etc. The overwhelming feeling I got, having a chance to think and bounce off people, was that if we got through this, and got back together, it would be a matter of time before something similar happened again. I’d fall deeper and deeper in love, then have to deal with this. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses while you still can.

It’s such a shame really. We had so much going for us. Now life must go on. I do know that I have a lot of love to give. I know that she deserves happiness too, but you can’t deal with a problem unless you admit you have one. I’m not sure she ever will.

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