Over the last couple of days, I’ve reported how jealousy destroyed what I thought could have been a very special love. She always told me how comfortable she was with me, how good I made her feel, and more, but underlying this was a jealous streak which I thought was slowly being overcome. How wrong I was.
I’ve had lots of support both on my wall, and in private messages. But one of them, from a friend who wishes to remain anonymous, so I’ll refer to her as Abigail (because I don’t know anyone by that name!), was different to the others. Abigail also suffers from jealousy, her own! It doesn’t just mess up one life, it messes up both. It helps to understand things from the other guy’s point of view sometimes.
Previously, she had explained to me that men were always after her for a relationship but that she was not interested. She didn’t say why. Now I know. She is afraid of her own behaviour when in one. It seems that things have happened to her through her life, and now she cannot deal with love. She told me how one man, Tristan (not his real name, but, fortunately I don’t know anyone of that name either), had not taken no for an answer. Last December, she finally succumbed, but her own destruct button took over.
Abigail read what I’d written and could understand my girlfriend’s reaction to some of the things I said. She told me that she’d done far worse things to Tristan, and the relationship had ended about a month ago. And yet, she sits there wishing that he would text her goodnight or good morning, or that he would send a card to say he misses her. Or leave flowers by her door. But she knows it’s not going to happen.
She not only hurt a man who loved her, but she hurt herself too. Well I don’t really know what to do. Let’s just say that I have long-term experience of living with jealousy. This time I thought we had it beaten, but no, it resurfaced worse than ever and when I least expected it. I still love her, but if we can fix it this time, when will it happen again?